Fresh Water Pearls

Last week Brody. Monique and myself went to dinner at a place called Hog & Rocks (www.hogandrocks.com) which is basically a bar that serves bacon and oysters in the Mission.
At the beginning of the year Brody and her husband Serge made homemade 'artisanal' pizzas for us. For weeks since New Years, I'd begun making jokes about all things artisanal and one of the offerings on the menu was an artisanal pretzel, which I had and was delicious and at $4 ought to be. Also on the menu were winter pickles about which I panicked when it dawned on me that I had been eating regular pickles not knowing that there were seasons or that you could charge six dollars for them. The Kumamotos were small and cost less so we got those instead. Still...


After coffee with a high school friend Guthrie the week before that at Cafe Arlequin (www.arlequincafe.com) upon returning to the lot where his car was parked we happened upon a gorgeous blue 80's Toyota Land Cruiser a car we both coveted. As we inspected the car we were reminded that it was now close to thirty years old and wondered at what point something becomes vintage. Later that night I remembered I was wearing a style of jean AG calls vintage wash. Guthrie and l lamented about the loss of regular jeans you wash yourself decrying the absurdity of the urban lumberjack fashion trend attacking heterosexual Californian men and how we've both escaped this by the narrowest of margins. At least his Lexus had heated seats. It was then that he told me he ate only organic dinosaur kale from Whole Foods. With a grimace I asked why hadn't he simply grown his own?

Oh My Lord Jesus- It's A FIRE!

Mirth

Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity At The Workplace:

1. At Lunchtime, Sit in Your Parked Car With Your Sunglasses On And Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries With That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It ”In”.

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write “For Sexual Favors”.

7. Finish all Your Sentences With “In Accordance With The Prophecy”.

8. dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Specify That Your Drive-Through Order Is “To Go.”

11. Sing Along At The Opera.

12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don’t Rhyme.

13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

14. When The Money Comes Out At The ATM, Scream, “I Won!, I Won!”

15. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running Toward The Parking Lot, Yelling, “Run for Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”

16. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”