Truth is a demure lady, much too ladylike to knock you on the head and drag you to her cave. She is there, but the people must want her and seek her out.---
William F. Buckley
Friday, May 20, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Fashion Guidelines For Chicks (Revisited)
This list came about almost a decade ago and I am both surprised and proud to report that the guidelines I adhere to still ring true. Amended, edited and reproportioned they are as follows:
ONE
Shoes.
Fantastic shoes elevate an average outfit so purchase many of them and stop at nothing to get them. Take Sarah Jessica Parker, star of hit franchise, 'Sex In The City' for example and you'll catch my drift. SJP may not be the prettiest belle of the ball but she has great legs, gorgeous hair, doe-like eyes and her four-inch Sergio Rossi slingbacks have four-year-old girls popping boners.
Fine footwear says where you're going, where you've been and how you'll get there.Whether they've come from Payless or Jimmy Choo doesn't really matter. If they are special, BUY THEM and don't think twice about it. The growing percentage of the world which spends $2 a day to survive aren't concerned with looking good because they don't have to be. But your public craves it from you and the paparazzi are everywhere so dress the part of imperialist czarina starting with your feet.
TWO
Suit, Shirt and Jeans
Every well-dressed man and woman needs a great suit, a crisp white oxford shirt and a perfect pair of jeans.
There are far too many scenarios- interviews, funerals, cocktail parties, weekend getaways, workplace functions- which require a killer outfit at a moment's notice and few garments express this more effortlesslessy than a fine suit. Dress it up with a fresh flower, t-shirt and flats.
Should you have the ultimate luxury of having a bespoke suit made do not pass it up. Never visit the Far East without having something made-to-measure because this is the only time in fashion that perfection exists--- to say nothing of haute couture.
Also, when you find a shirt or jeans that work buy several pieces because the details, dimensions and availability will change from season to season particularly with mid-range national retailers.
Once you've secured the suit(s) begin the lifelong hunting and gathering of the ever-present always necessary search for black and red cocktail dresses.
THREE
Undergarments
Ascertain what your actual brassiere size is from experts you trust and purchase many bras and panties. Lingerie is like a marital aid also known as a vibrator. It's a delicious joy to own, an at once personal and private choice, satisfaction is almost always guaranteed and everyone involved wins. The pricier, more confectionary and scandalous the sets the better. You can't go wrong with beautiful hosiery either. I cannot say the same for pantyhose.
FOUR
Grooming
Drink lots and lots of water daily, get in the habit of doing your own fingernails, let a pro take care of your feet and take care of your skin and your teeth. Corpulent or anorexic, misshapen or saintly, a flawless complexion, moisturized, glowing skin and lovely hands and feet are key elements in looking polished and sexy. Ever notice how pornstars always have impeccable tootsies and nails and are always tan and shiny? They are the tools of the trade, darlings.
FIVE
Jewelry
Diamonds and pearls are a girl's best friend. Ask Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor the artist formerly known as Prince. Baubles, bangles and beads spark hatred from the havenots and look marvelous regardless of the outfit. Invest or better still inherit a set of diamond studs and a string of pearls. These are the universe's precious and semi-precious gifts to you and the payoff for having an unattractive groom.
When one wears the perfect strand or carats one exudes confidence. After a quick shag in the loo and the resulting DNA on your pencil skirt, dazzling jewelry will allow you to appear put together which makes all the difference when you bump into his ex. Accessories in general are critical in setting yourself apart from the pack. They create flair.
SIX
Accentuate The Positives
Mirrors do not tell the whole story and neither do your friends so when it comes to how you look don't trust either of them. Your partner is not a stylist and your friends just want you to be happy. Trust your instincts, know your strengths, and understand your weaknesses. If you must ask whether a garment makes your ass looks big the odds are that it does but remember that a great ass is an asset. Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian and Beyonce can attest to this. Find out what styles look best on you and stick with them. If you have no earthly idea what looks nice comfort is a good start.
Sidebar
Sharon Stone in a Michael Kors turtleneck, Gap jacket, Escada ball gown and a gardenia at the Oscars several years back nailed it. She doesn't always get it right but few people do and she always owns it and has a ball. Let us not forget conversely Gwyneth Paltrow's Jean Paul Gaultier dress and cornrows also at the Oscars. Big mistake.
SEVEN
Fragrance
Don't underestimate the power of a signature fragrance. You could be wearing overalls (heaven forbid) stained with mud and smelling porcine but when you are wearing Coco by Chanel parfum that is what that randy stable boy will remember long after you've picked the last bit of hay from your hair and his work furlough program comes to an end. Pick an elegant and sophisticated scent or two and stand by them.
EIGHT
Hair
Don't worry about your hair. Comb it, keep it clean and neat. $600 for a haircut is vain, obscene and unnecessary none of which are appealing for very long. Think of how smoking hot Demi Moore looked in G.I. Jane or Persis Khambatta from the Star Trek movie and they were bald.
Lustrous hair does add polish but bedhead is a cool band, a fine hair product and is desirable because it requires no maintenance. Stylists spend hours to achieve that post-coital up-for- three days, rockstar junkie hairstyle and for what?
NINE
Handbags
Purchase many handbags. This is the fashionable woman's calling card. It expresses instantly to everyone what you like and how far you'll reach to possess it. Hermes produce lovely bags called Birkins and Kellys. If you are a socialite with no imagination and nothing to do but collect bags and divorce husbands this is the bag for you. Be creative! The more original and off-kilter the bag the better.
If I were to choose one pricey carryall it has to be Louis Vuitton shopper or "Speedy" tote. It sets the right tone, is sturdy, classic and most of all big enough to carry a six-pack. My rule-of-thumb with everything I purchase is: Will this look good ten years from now. This rule however doesn't apply to handbags so look to quality construction, details and personal taste. Ignore knockoffs search for vintage.
Note:
If you carry your keys, phone, water, iPad, Harper's Bazaar, a journal, the entire eyeshadow pallette from NARS, gum, a Clif Bar, gym shoes, a yoga mat, an umbrella, a flask, and another mini-purse disguised as a wallet in your bag at all times don't go out and buy a Judith Leiber minaudiere. Select purses which suit your lifestyle the buzzwords being and easy everyday luxury and common sense.
TEN
Size
The MOST important rule to follow in fashion for either sex from now until forever is FIT.
Fit is more important than style, color, fabric, trends, labels, price or sentimental attachment. If it doesn't fit it isn't stylish. Period. Avoid the dreaded muffin top. Make your tailor and drycleaner your best friends and use them wisely and often. Know them by name and send them holiday cards. They can save your life and they should know you appreciate it.
ONE
Shoes.
Fantastic shoes elevate an average outfit so purchase many of them and stop at nothing to get them. Take Sarah Jessica Parker, star of hit franchise, 'Sex In The City' for example and you'll catch my drift. SJP may not be the prettiest belle of the ball but she has great legs, gorgeous hair, doe-like eyes and her four-inch Sergio Rossi slingbacks have four-year-old girls popping boners.
Fine footwear says where you're going, where you've been and how you'll get there.Whether they've come from Payless or Jimmy Choo doesn't really matter. If they are special, BUY THEM and don't think twice about it. The growing percentage of the world which spends $2 a day to survive aren't concerned with looking good because they don't have to be. But your public craves it from you and the paparazzi are everywhere so dress the part of imperialist czarina starting with your feet.
TWO
Suit, Shirt and Jeans
Every well-dressed man and woman needs a great suit, a crisp white oxford shirt and a perfect pair of jeans.
There are far too many scenarios- interviews, funerals, cocktail parties, weekend getaways, workplace functions- which require a killer outfit at a moment's notice and few garments express this more effortlesslessy than a fine suit. Dress it up with a fresh flower, t-shirt and flats.
Should you have the ultimate luxury of having a bespoke suit made do not pass it up. Never visit the Far East without having something made-to-measure because this is the only time in fashion that perfection exists--- to say nothing of haute couture.
Also, when you find a shirt or jeans that work buy several pieces because the details, dimensions and availability will change from season to season particularly with mid-range national retailers.
Once you've secured the suit(s) begin the lifelong hunting and gathering of the ever-present always necessary search for black and red cocktail dresses.
THREE
Undergarments
Ascertain what your actual brassiere size is from experts you trust and purchase many bras and panties. Lingerie is like a marital aid also known as a vibrator. It's a delicious joy to own, an at once personal and private choice, satisfaction is almost always guaranteed and everyone involved wins. The pricier, more confectionary and scandalous the sets the better. You can't go wrong with beautiful hosiery either. I cannot say the same for pantyhose.
FOUR
Grooming
Drink lots and lots of water daily, get in the habit of doing your own fingernails, let a pro take care of your feet and take care of your skin and your teeth. Corpulent or anorexic, misshapen or saintly, a flawless complexion, moisturized, glowing skin and lovely hands and feet are key elements in looking polished and sexy. Ever notice how pornstars always have impeccable tootsies and nails and are always tan and shiny? They are the tools of the trade, darlings.
FIVE
Jewelry
Diamonds and pearls are a girl's best friend. Ask Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Zsa Zsa Gabor the artist formerly known as Prince. Baubles, bangles and beads spark hatred from the havenots and look marvelous regardless of the outfit. Invest or better still inherit a set of diamond studs and a string of pearls. These are the universe's precious and semi-precious gifts to you and the payoff for having an unattractive groom.
When one wears the perfect strand or carats one exudes confidence. After a quick shag in the loo and the resulting DNA on your pencil skirt, dazzling jewelry will allow you to appear put together which makes all the difference when you bump into his ex. Accessories in general are critical in setting yourself apart from the pack. They create flair.
SIX
Accentuate The Positives
Mirrors do not tell the whole story and neither do your friends so when it comes to how you look don't trust either of them. Your partner is not a stylist and your friends just want you to be happy. Trust your instincts, know your strengths, and understand your weaknesses. If you must ask whether a garment makes your ass looks big the odds are that it does but remember that a great ass is an asset. Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian and Beyonce can attest to this. Find out what styles look best on you and stick with them. If you have no earthly idea what looks nice comfort is a good start.
Sidebar
Sharon Stone in a Michael Kors turtleneck, Gap jacket, Escada ball gown and a gardenia at the Oscars several years back nailed it. She doesn't always get it right but few people do and she always owns it and has a ball. Let us not forget conversely Gwyneth Paltrow's Jean Paul Gaultier dress and cornrows also at the Oscars. Big mistake.
SEVEN
Fragrance
Don't underestimate the power of a signature fragrance. You could be wearing overalls (heaven forbid) stained with mud and smelling porcine but when you are wearing Coco by Chanel parfum that is what that randy stable boy will remember long after you've picked the last bit of hay from your hair and his work furlough program comes to an end. Pick an elegant and sophisticated scent or two and stand by them.
EIGHT
Hair
Don't worry about your hair. Comb it, keep it clean and neat. $600 for a haircut is vain, obscene and unnecessary none of which are appealing for very long. Think of how smoking hot Demi Moore looked in G.I. Jane or Persis Khambatta from the Star Trek movie and they were bald.
Lustrous hair does add polish but bedhead is a cool band, a fine hair product and is desirable because it requires no maintenance. Stylists spend hours to achieve that post-coital up-for- three days, rockstar junkie hairstyle and for what?
NINE
Handbags
Purchase many handbags. This is the fashionable woman's calling card. It expresses instantly to everyone what you like and how far you'll reach to possess it. Hermes produce lovely bags called Birkins and Kellys. If you are a socialite with no imagination and nothing to do but collect bags and divorce husbands this is the bag for you. Be creative! The more original and off-kilter the bag the better.
If I were to choose one pricey carryall it has to be Louis Vuitton shopper or "Speedy" tote. It sets the right tone, is sturdy, classic and most of all big enough to carry a six-pack. My rule-of-thumb with everything I purchase is: Will this look good ten years from now. This rule however doesn't apply to handbags so look to quality construction, details and personal taste. Ignore knockoffs search for vintage.
Note:
If you carry your keys, phone, water, iPad, Harper's Bazaar, a journal, the entire eyeshadow pallette from NARS, gum, a Clif Bar, gym shoes, a yoga mat, an umbrella, a flask, and another mini-purse disguised as a wallet in your bag at all times don't go out and buy a Judith Leiber minaudiere. Select purses which suit your lifestyle the buzzwords being and easy everyday luxury and common sense.
TEN
Size
The MOST important rule to follow in fashion for either sex from now until forever is FIT.
Fit is more important than style, color, fabric, trends, labels, price or sentimental attachment. If it doesn't fit it isn't stylish. Period. Avoid the dreaded muffin top. Make your tailor and drycleaner your best friends and use them wisely and often. Know them by name and send them holiday cards. They can save your life and they should know you appreciate it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
